Nicolas Out Of The “Cage” Because Of A Dog

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Have you ever been so low that you sought the aid of a TV bounty hunter? We didn’t think so. Dog the “That’s still on the air?“ Bounty Hunter has bailed Nic “we don’t care” Cage out of jail. It’s pretty clear that Dog has not seen any of Cage’s recent films otherwise he’d know that some prison time is warranted. Making victims out of innocent film goers who were subjected to Cage’s crimes against cinema should be a punishable offense!

Dog released a statement saying that he wouldn’t be giving any statements (aside from the one he was giving when he made this proclamation).

It would be extremely difficult for us NOT to insert are own comments into Dog’s statement. So why subject ourselves to difficulty?

“I am a truly dedicated fan of Mr. Cage (Guess the hasn’t seen a film of his since the 90’s, lucky bastard) and will not be granting any interviews (except this one) about my client as I wish to respect his privacy (Even though I‘m publicly talking about it at this very moment). I performed my duties as a bail bondsman (excuse us while we roll our eyes for a second) and not in connection with our show (Aside from this being a total plug for your show ). This is what I do for a living”. (You bail out wife beating millionaires for a living? We wouldn’t announce that if we were you…It’s kind of a resume killer)

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